Accepting my humanity to be raw and vulnerable.
Today I put my humanity back on, which includes many things that make us human. Love, ego, faults, and altruist beliefs. I could go on, but you get the picture. Why, you may ask? Why? Why? I put my humanity back on because it is a way of life. It was not for a long period but just enough time for me to notice the habit of reverting to my old inauthentic self. The one habit I have found to be the hardest to break. But regardless of this setback I still feel that I have accomplished many strides. Plus, I am learning to notice the difference and recognition is a big part of healing. At least for me, it is.
Societal, familial, and survivalist conditioning — I command you to be gone!
One of the best lessons I learned this year was during my quantum reality class where we learned to live in reverence every day and in everything we do. To be in the moment and celebrate the feelings that rise to the surface, respecting them and accepting them. Part of the class was to read “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabrielle Bernstein. I cringed when I saw the reading material, but I realized there is a reason and a season for everything. I used to follow Ms. Bernstein years ago on social media, but something annoyed me about her content, I could not figure it out, so I unsubscribed.
Fast forward to today and I realized it had nothing to do with her content but her vulnerable presence. She was being her true self. In essence, it had everything to do with me. I was holding on to past trauma and she was showing me how to recognize the patterns of this cover-up and to release them.
I opened the book randomly and sure enough the universe showed me what I knew it would …Bernstein’s words echoed beneath my gaze “…the practice of healing long-held suffering begins the moment you acknowledge the suffering is there” (2016, pg. 43).
We project our insecurities and judgment when we are placed in front of a mirror and do not like who we see looking back.
Lesson in Truth: Run towards, not away.
What does that mean to me? Once I realized that I had been wearing the skin of someone I did not like, I started noticing my usual tendency to act a certain way. Hey, what happened to the evolutionary movement into that of a spiritual being? Well, to be frank, it takes more than a few affirmations, and positive thinking to curb a habit that has been building for the lifetime of doing the same things. Applying that old Band-Aid that keeps wanting to fall off. It takes work and patience. I quickly unzipped that persona and started diving into the change I hoped to see.
But, sometimes I get upset about the littlest things. Could I divorce these bad habits that seemed to make me feel safe and in control?
News flash: you are not safe; you are stuck. Ugh Universe — thanks!
I watched an abstract painting challenge on YouTube the other day and the artist built a beautiful smattering of color all over the canvas. But unsatisfied, she covered it a bit and started another layer of patterns (only letting a few bits of the first ten layers come through). After the fourth time, I became upset. Why did she continue to cover up these beautiful creations? Why was she not satisfied? Then it dawned on me. It is how we are made; we grow and create habits. Layering them one on top of the other to maintain the environment of appeal. They become who we think we are. Don’t get me wrong, it could be good for us or bad for us. Today we have an opportunity to be conscious of the difference.
Can I or you live a fully colorful life and still be taken seriously? I believe so, and as time accelerates and moves us forward in and out of this cosmic awareness, I know that honoring our ups and downs propels us forward instead of lingering where we no longer belong. The future is bright, and the colors around us allow the happiness of what this earth-bound existence has to offer — everything. I do not want to go back to black or white or shades of gray, I do not want to be a cookie cut out, but authentic and brave and loving every minute of it. How about you?
I will leave you with this…
By the way, the class I took was given by Uniquely Northern and I was never the same from day one. Thanks, MGS.
Stay well and in the now Dreamers!